Good dress, bad dress

I rather like this dress:
vickydress.jpg

However, thanks to the Victoria’s Secret boobalicious styling policy,  I have really no good way to guess what this would look like on me. I mean, this has got to be clipped in the back. You can’t make a dress with those proportions and expect to sell it to people. They ought to hire different models to show the clothing, if only to make me feel less like I’m shopping at Frederick’s. I don’t care how unrealistic the bra models are; I know how bras work. Or they could hire a really flat chested model to show the dress alongside the bra model.

I would get this dress in green, I think, although I do like this navy. It’s on sale so I might well order it.

This dress, however, is henious:

jcrewdress.jpg

It’s on sale at J Crew, so hopefully that link doesn’t even work any more; for the sake of posterity, it’s the “long pique polo dress” that “goes to new lengths” — har har — which is to say, your ankles.

Geez, it scorches my eyes just looking at it. There is only one good reason to wear a polo shirt dress: if you are a hot tennis player actively playing tennis. And in that case, it must be white and less than knee length.

If I were getting married, I would tell everyone my bridesmaids were going to wear this dress with hot pink crocs, just to see whether any of my so-called loved ones loved me enough to have me committed when the circumstances called for it.

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